What I Wish Every Sober Woman Knew- A Sober Man’s Perspective
Women are the most beautiful and complex miracles in the world. I was personally raised mostly by women, and had a very close connection to the idea of strong, independent, and spiritually fit women. Women in sobriety are incredible, especially those who share stories of emotion, expression, and solution. Some of the people with the strongest sobriety I have ever met are young women, and they carry themselves with class, integrity, and humility, and I know many men who see things the same way. So from my personal experience and perspective there are a few things I wish every sober women knew.
Sober Women Still Inspire Men
I have heard women say so many times when they speak at a meeting that they were hoping someone would still get something out of their message even though it was mostly all men in the room. I want women in sobriety to understand that I can say I ALWAYS do. Sure, in the beginning I was not sure how to relate, but after hearing so many stories of recovery from empowered women in the program, I am thrilled to see a woman speak to a room full of men.
I have learned so much about overcoming tragedy, feeling my truest feelings, and staying conscious of my program through listening to the stories and experiences of women in recovery. Some of the best spiritual advice or insight I ever received came from women with even a year or less of continuous sobriety. We as men can still identify with a lot of the pain and the fear of active alcoholism or addiction, and we are often inspired by the solution and hope offered up when a female speaker captivates an audience.
You may remind us of our mothers, our sisters, and yes… even ourselves… but stronger.
Sober Men Can be Emotional
I cannot speak for every man out there, but I can say in my experience men with sobriety are more in touch with their emotional sensitivity than some women, or the men themselves, will acknowledge. Men have emotions and sometimes we feel even more intensely than women. Not trying to say none of you are aware of this fact, especially if you have ever dated a man (sober or not). However I think it is important to notice that we are vulnerable at times, especially in early recovery, and we can identify with emotional conflict, even if not all men show it.
All people just want to be understood, loved, and appreciated at the end of the day. We do not come standard with arrogance or misogyny. Strong men can be compassionate, caring, and honest with their real feelings. I point this out because some women still say and do things that show the stigma of men as emotionally bankrupt. Some still think we only want physical stimulation, but we too crave to belong and be loved on a deeper level.
As a man I may have an abstract opinion on this, but most sober women I know have reached out to me with such support and experience that becoming comfortable with feeling these feelings again has been less about the fear of letting go, and more a labor of love.
Sobriety and Spirituality is Attractive
I can say for myself that in sobriety I have begun to cultivate my outlook on what is most attractive in a woman. Personally, I think that an independent spiritual fitness and hunger for personal growth is incredibly beautiful. Without question a sober man will admire the woman much more who has a solid grasp of who she is, what she cherishes most, and has her own principles to go with her personality.
Not all men are looking for a 13th step. And it is not true we expect you to be perfect looking on the outside. The heart and spirit of a sober and happy woman is stunning! Some of us actually do just want to meet a woman who is empowered in her solution, and confident in her passions. Of course we do NOT need another sponsor, just be aware that some men are actually interested in who you are as a person. All women are amazing and incredible in their own way; women have so much love and grace, and still strength and wisdom.
Women in sobriety are gorgeous! Nothing looks better on a woman than a smile, especially one that is genuine and full of hope. No matter what trials, tribulations, and traumas- you have survived! You have become someone so inspirational and exciting. A sober man will seek you out for that. A real man will seek you out for the light in you that is blinding and brilliant, for the truth you speak and the future you have fought for. I know I look for someone who I can admire both and inspire, love unconditionally as a warrior and a healer, and someone who chases their own creativity and sobriety without letting anything stand in her way, including me.
So ladies of recovery, thank you. Thank you so much for being the beautiful and powerful women you are. Thank you for all the insight and enlightenment, for the understanding and hope. Be proud of who you are, the miracle of your sobriety and all the beauty you have that we men both can and cannot see. I only hope every woman in recovery knows how important and infatuating she is.
“Women hold up half the sky.”
-Mao Zedong
Women everywhere suffer from addiction or substance abuse, and as woman become more important than ever in recovery, there have been so many young women to start their journey in sobriety with Orchid. If you or someone you love is struggling with substance abuse or addiction, please call toll-free 1-800-777-9588