How To Stop Thinking About Him (Or Her) And Move On

It’s inevitable. At one time or another, someone will break our heart. Sometimes it can be quite difficult to forget about the person and move on. If you’re struggling with this, here are 5 ways to stop thinking about him (or her) and move on.

1: Cut off contact with him/her

It’s impossible to stop thinking about someone if you still see him around or are constantly hearing about their comings-and-goings. Here are some ways to cut off contact:

• Make an effort to avoid running into him during your day-to-day activities

This might mean going to a different grocery store or going at a different time than you used to, if you tended to run into the person there, for example.

• Avoid social gatherings where you know they’re going to be present – just for now

This means that you don’t have to be a social pariah or totally isolate yourself. I have friends who have stopped attending certain meetings because they know their ex also attends those same meetings. Now, of course, that isn’t to say that this gives you an excuse not to go to meetings. You just might want to check out different ones. This is also a perfect opportunity to attend more women’s meetings.

• Delete him

Get rid of their contact info in your phone; block them on Facebook and Instagram, etc.

• Ask your friends not to update you on this person, even if it’s juicy gossip

2: Get rid of anything that reminds you of the person

Purge your life of anything that brings up painful memories of this person and the time you spent together. By getting rid of physical reminders, such as photos and gifts given by this person, it will be easier to stop thinking about him and move on. Which leads us to the next item:

3: Stop thinking about him or her

Easier said than done, right? But, once you have done the other things mentioned above, it will become easier to stop thinking about him (or her) because you won’t have any constant reminders. If you do find your thoughts drifting into memories of the person, make a conscious effort to stop yourself. It might even mean telling yourself ‘No’ out loud. Then redirect your attention to the task at-hand. Staying present in the moment, even while doing mundane tasks like washing the dishes will not only help you to stop thinking about him but it will also help you practice mindfulness that will allow you to be more joyous and peaceful, in general.

4:  Don’t fantasize about getting revenge

By wanting to take revenge, such as by making them jealous, angry, or regretful, you are still technically thinking about them. If you’re obsessing about exacting vengeance, you’re really only prolonging the process to forget and move on, as well as torturing yourself.

If you feel strongly that this person has wronged you and deserves punishment, here are some things to consider that might help you move on:

• Believing in a Higher Power, and possibly karma or some other sort of cosmic justice, can help you reason that the person will eventually get what they deserve and that it’s not something in your control.
• Also, accept that life isn’t fair. Although someone hurt you, it doesn’t make it OK to hurt them back. The sooner you realize this, the better off in life you will be. You will see “unfairness” not only in your personal relationships but in the job setting, politics, and so on.
• If you are set on getting even, remember this famous quote: “Living well is the best revenge.” By moving on and improving yourself, you are really getting the best kind of revenge and you’re helping yourself at the same time.

5: Set aside time to express your feelings

You can talk it out with your sponsor and other sober supports but, be careful that you are not just dragging it all out by continuing to vent. Another thing you can do is set aside a limited amount of time, like an hour – and set a timer, during which you are able to be alone with your thoughts. Have some writing materials handy and write out what happened with this person and your feelings about it. When the timer goes off or you’ve run out of things to write – whichever comes first – put your writings away. The next time you’re tempted to dwell on this person, remind yourself that you’ve already gotten it all out and tell yourself that you won’t waste time thinking about that person anymore.

If you or someone you love is struggling with substance abuse or addiction, please call toll-free 1-800-777-9588.