3 Characteristics of Adult Children from Emotionally Cold Homes
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Children of emotionally barren homes struggle as adults. Most children raised in homes like these seek approval and affirmation because they feel they are different from other people. Early in life, you may have been envious of the homes of your friends and knew your life was different. A recent article explored this topic further.
How do we acquire a proper belief system when most of our beliefs stem from childhood? Well, the reality is that it takes work. In our early years, we develop characteristics that will carry us into adulthood. Being raised in an emotionally barren home means you have particular challenges to overcome as an adult.
The only bright side is most people do not have a perfect upbringing. Most of us have some work to do on ourselves to overcome characteristics we may have acquired from childhood. Our caretakers are the first people we look up to at an early age. It is hard to see that our caretakers may not have been the ideal role models we wanted them to be.
Adult children raised in troubled homes tend to look at the world differently. They struggle with having an optimistic mindset because of having to endure so much at an early age. As a result, addiction becomes a means of escape. Substance abuse may occur as a way to avoid feelings and emotions too uncomfortable to face.
Adult children raised in emotional barren homes may look like everyone else, however, on the inside; there are layers and layers of emotions that need addressing.
There are three characteristics common in children raised in troubled homes:
1. Overreact to changes over which they have no control.
As a child, you sought attention and did not receive it, or struggled with being heard in your family. Perhaps you felt your feelings, thoughts and emotions were never a priority. Therefore, as an adult, you made it a goal to regain control over your life. Your newfound independence led you to want to create the life you always envision.
Unfortunately, things do not always go as we plan. The goals we make for ourselves may shift or change, and sometimes they go wrong. Adult children struggle with changes and feelings of hopelessness. Overreacting when things do not go your way is not the answer. Understanding your emotions and where they stem from will help you move forward with your goals instead of falling into destructiveness.
2. Always seeking approval and affirmation.
Children of emotionally barren home seek approval and affirmation from others because of their challenging upbringing. Growing up, you may not have received affirmation or approval from your caretaker, so you seek it from others as an adult. Perhaps, you hide your desire for approval under a tough exterior. The reality is everyone seeks approval from others. It is a natural part of human nature. However, understanding who you are and learning to have confidence in your decisions is key to moving forward.
3. Feel that they are different from other people.
As an adult, you struggle with feeling like an outsider. You felt different growing up, and those thoughts continue as an adult. You either respond by acting out in an attempt to feel included. You find other people who are struggling emotionally destructive to fit in with the familiar. On the other hand, you may isolate from others because you find people to be unrelatable. Regardless of your reaction, understand that you are not alone, and you do not have to hide from your emotions. Seeking help is the best way to overcome these feelings of unfamiliarity.
Your upbringing is not your fault. However, it is up to you to choose how you react to it. After all, now your life is in your control. Recovery is about having a foundation and creating the future you have always wanted. If you are struggling with accomplishing that, we are here to help. Call now. If you or someone you love is struggling with substance abuse or addiction, please call toll-free 1-800-777-9588.
Author: Shernide Delva