10 Signs You’re Not Really Willing To Go To Any Lengths For Your Sobriety
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The first 2 questions my sponsor asked me, and the first 2 questions I always ask a sponsee are simple:
- Are you willing to go to any lengths for your sobriety?
- Are you willing to follow a few simple suggestions?
The ironic thing is when you ask the first question, the person says yes, and then you ask the second and they hesitate. WHAT?! Did you not JUST agree that you are willing to go to ANY LENGTHS? But suggestions, that’s asking way too much, huh? If you don’t know what is holding you back, here are 10 signs you’re not REALLY willing to go to any lengths for your sobriety.
1. You don’t call your sponsor… (but they might get a Snap-Chat)
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Usually a sponsor will suggest that you call them every day. Some sponsors only ask you to do this for a period of time, and then they relax on the daily contact, but they usually expect you to make that call at least once a day. In early sobriety once every few months probably won’t cut it. If your not sure when to call your sponsor, call you sponsor!
2. You don’t take suggestions… from anyone, for anything…
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A suggestion is not a rule. In 12 Step programs there typically are no rules, but there are suggestions and traditions in place to protect the principles and members, while facilitating the process of working a program of action. They are not requirements, but if you can’t take any suggestions from someone trying to help you through experience, your willingness probably won’t go to any lengths. Something as simple as reading and writing can hurt your sobriety if you dismiss it completely.
3. Meetings….THERE’S NO TIME!
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Some say meeting makers make it. Some say meeting makers just make meetings. Either way if you NEVER make meetings it’s safe to say your willingness needs re-evaluated. If you cannot find at least 1 hour a day to put into your sobriety you probably aren’t willing to go to any lengths. If you think about it, how many hours a day did you have to chase a drink or a drug? How far were the lengths you would go to for that?
4. You’re not a ‘Fellowship’ person…
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It is not always easy to step outside your comfort zone to meet new people in recovery. It takes some people more time than others, but if it is suggested you get involved in a fellowship but instead you sit in the back of meetings, sneak out early, and avoid everyone there then you should consider how stepping outside that comfort zone can benefit you, and how allowing social anxiety or lack of humility can hinder your sobriety.
5. You’re a (Out of Order) Love Machine…
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Again, this is all personal opinion. Different people have different suggestions based on experience. 12 Step fellowships have no intention or authority on regulating your relationships, but your sponsor might have suggested you avoid a serious or sexual relationship while in early recovery. So if you find yourself chasing ladies (or gentlemen) without consideration for the harm it can do, to you or them, you might need to check you self-control and be willing to be single for a while.
6. You cannot commit to service…
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Service to the Fellowship is a huge part of the program of action in my experience. If you think your time is too valuable or your reputation is too important to make coffee or greet people at the door for a meeting, you may want to change it up and commit to your sobriety.
7.You got that thing, at that place, and cannot do step work…
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This truly is a simple program. The steps are a basic list of suggestions on how to have a psychic change or spiritual experience, and there are only 12! Yet some people feel that these steps are just too inconvenient. If you start your step work and every time you have a chance to improve on it, or your sponsor wants to meet and go over it, and you have a pressing errand or sudden illness to attend to, make sure you’re willing to do more than make excuses. That thing you’re doing later, with those people at that place… yeah, it can wait!
8. You just CAN’T EVEN live in a halfway house…
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Living in a halfway house with other addicts or alcoholics? Who does that? Usually it’s people trying to get sober and stay that way! Not always necessary, but if it’s an option you’re not willing to explore take into consideration many of us have homes to go to and people to help us, but we choose to work 1 or 2 jobs and walk miles to work when we have careers and cars at home, because we want to humble ourselves.
9. You only got eyes for the paper…
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Sobriety and humility sometimes require we humble ourselves and get a lower paying job. Especially if you move away from home and can’t take your career with you. It can be a very humbling experience to go from Wall Street to Walmart, but in my experience it’s exactly like one notorious philosopher once said, “Mo’ Money Mo’ Problems”.
10. You won’t carry the message…
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Sponsorship is one of the most rewarding and helpful parts of a 12 Step Program. Even generally just helping others is a huge party of recovery. Practicing the principles of the fellowship and doing for people what you can is very important. If you decide you will not sponsor, you will not help others, and you will not carry the message, then you are definitely not willing to go to any lengths for your sobriety, and this one also impacts those you could help.
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If you or someone you love is struggling with substance abuse or addiction, please call toll-free 1-800-777-9588